Saturday, 31 December 2011

473. Cat Dictionary Series (33)

When Banjo and Rusty – the most spoiled cats in the whole of Bristol – jump on the couple’s bed every morning at 5 a.m., they expect attention, and the man usually does what’s expected of him, albeit groaning and complaining. 

He hauls himself out of bed, pads barefoot into the cold conservatory and across it’s freezing stone floor, unlocks both the cat flap and the door to the garden and sits groggily by the open door on one of the garden chairs waiting for the boys to make up their minds on whether they’re going out or not, as an icy breeze sweeps around him. 

They nibble at biscuits, lap a bit of water and wander about undecidedly.  Rusty opts for going back into the house without having ventured into the fresh air, and Banjo jumps on the other garden chair.  The man leaves the conservatory door wide open and goes back to bed.

The woman (58):  (bad tempered first thing) I bet you left that door open for the burglars, and for the rolled blind on the door to rot...

The Man (84):  (defiantly) I want Banjo and Rusty to be able to get out if they want to.

The Woman:  So what’s the cat flap for then.

The Man:  Oh shut up and go back to sleep.  Hang on, is that Banjo mewing?

Banjo, from the garden chair in the conservatory:  Come and close the door, there’s a good chap, there’s a perishing draft coming from the garden...

-oOo-

Friday, 30 December 2011

472. What we mean is what we don't say... (22)

We say It's just not good enough!

We mean:  This is me being decisive and showing them who's boss.

What is says about us:  It might be my fault that it's not good enough, but I'm not falling on my sword, so don't look at me...

-oOo-

Thursday, 29 December 2011

471. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (51)

My dad when he worked in Deep Navigation Colliery, Treharris, was affectionately known as Will the Splicer, as he used to splice the ropes underground.  Love you Dad x.

L Roberts from Hengoed.

-oOo-

Wednesday, 28 December 2011

470. Wish I hadn't said that... (Weathergirl 2)

Scene:  Local TV newsreader Trevor handing over to weathergirl Tracey.

Trevor (30):  Well time now for our local weather, which I’m told is going to be warm and wet.  Are you warm and wet Tracey?

-oOo-

Monday, 26 December 2011

468. Wish I hadn't said that... (Weathergirl 1)

Scene:  Young, pretty local TV weathergirl – the new kid on the block, told that where possible it’s professional to link in with the newsreaders (Gary, in this case) at the beginning and end of her presentation.

Weathergirl (21):  In conclusion there’s a wet front moving in from Ireland, so keep your umbrellas handy. 

So, Gary, are you going to watch that wet front?

(Gary's reply is not recorded)

-oOo-

Sunday, 25 December 2011

467. What we mean is what we don't say.... (21)

We SayGot to go!  See you!  Talk Soon!

We Mean:  You're boring me.  Don't want to talk any more, want to wind up NOW.

What is says about us:  When patience was being doled out, they missed me out.

-oOo-

Saturday, 24 December 2011

466. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (50)

When I got married in the 60s I lived in Pontycymer.  One of my husband's drinking mates was called Dai Bad Back because he was always on the sick.

Jenny Winter, Cardiff, formerly of Bridgend

-oOo-

Friday, 23 December 2011

Wednesday, 21 December 2011

463. Nature Lesson

Internet picture

Infant school teacher (female, 30ish):  Now children, what do you call this little creature?
Hands shoot up.  Me miss!  Me miss!
Little boy selected to give the answer (6):  It’s a pillow cat miss.

-oOo-

Tuesday, 20 December 2011

462. What we mean is what we don't say... (20)

We SayIt won't show...

We Mean:  Why such a fuss over that paint smear/crack in the wall/stain on the carpet/scratch on the polished wood?  Stick something in front of it/over it and stop making a fuss.

What it says about us:  What am I - a painter/builder/carpet cleaner/french polisher?

-oOo-

Monday, 19 December 2011

461. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (49)

My grandmother had a neighbour known as Maggie Small Coals because of her dark eyes, and a man that was a little swishy was known as Dai Handbag (or more properly "Dai 'ambag").  There was also Vern Buses (drove a bus when young) who later became Vern Boring.

Victoria, in Washington DC, USA

-oOo-

Sunday, 18 December 2011

460. The Logic of children...

Scene:  In the fifties, before childcare became what it is today.  Child is being fractious and disobedient, and young parent is reaching the end of his tether.

Father (28):  I'm warning you... what'll happen if I take off my belt?

Child (6):  Your pants will fall down Daddy...

(Plans of discipline collapse in disarray as father cannot keep a straight face)
.
-oOo-

Friday, 16 December 2011

458. True Stories told by an airport ticket agent (12 of 12)

A New Jersey congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations.  "I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York."

I was at a loss for words.  Finally I said "Are you sure that's the name of the town?"

"Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the man.

After some searching, I came back with "I'm sorry sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere."

The man retorted "Oh don't be silly!  Everyone knows where it is.  Check your map!"

So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered - "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?"

The reply:  "Whatever!  I knew it was a big animal."

-oOo-

Thursday, 15 December 2011

457. What we mean is what we don't say... (19)

We say (in voice as if announcing a national disaster) There's no butter!

We mean:  I've opened the fridge and looked, and it's not there.

What is says about us:  You never said it could be behind anything.  What am I - a mind reader??

-oOo-

Wednesday, 14 December 2011

456. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (48)

I worked in the coal mines with a man called Robert who had a pronounced limp, and they called him Bob-up-and-down.

Hugh Edghill, Resolven

-oOo-

Sunday, 11 December 2011

453. True Stories told by an airport ticket agent. (11 of 12)

Mary Landrieu, LA Senator, called and had a question about the documents needed in order to fly to China.  After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa.  "Oh no I don't.  I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those."

I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa.  When I told her this, she said "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express..."

-oOo-

Saturday, 10 December 2011

452. What we mean is what we don't say... (18)

We say(shouting)    I can't find the sugar!

We Mean:  It's not in its usual place, come and find it for me.

What is says about us:  It's not my fault that I can walk all over you.

-oOo-

Friday, 9 December 2011

451. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (47)

I was reared in Aberbargoed - my Dad was a coal merchant and was known as Jack Jones the Coal.  An elderly lady in the village used to wear a neck choker, and she was Mrs Jones Black Velvet.  Jim Howells was from the Forest of Dean and because of the legend, was known as Jim the Bear, but not to his face.  The local ironmonger would say "Thank you" after every item you asked for, so he was known as Jones Thank You.  A local shopkeeper's brother had a limp, and he was dubbed Billy Jones 'Eck.

Barrie Jones, Pengam

-oOo-

Thursday, 8 December 2011

450. Suddenly I've lost my appetite...

Karen:  Dad, fancy some chicken ding tonight?

Frank:  Sounds interesting - what's it got in it?

Karen:  Well, chicken.

Frank:  What's the ding then?

Karen:  The microwave does that.

Frank:  Aaaah.

With thanks to Karen
-oOo-

Tuesday, 6 December 2011

448. True Stories told by an airport ticket agent (10 of 12)

Senator Dianne Feinstein called and said "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida.  I have to get on one of those little computer planes?"

I asked if she meant Pensacola and fly on a commuter plane.

She said "Yeah, whatever, smarty..."

-oOo-

Monday, 5 December 2011

447. What we mean is what we don't say... (17)

We sayIt's not you, it's me...

We Mean:  I'm pretending to spare your feelings, but actually I'm not brave enough to tell you the real reason why we're splitting up.

What it says about us:  I can't be bothered to analyse it anyway, and I don't want the hassle either.  Nor do I want you passing it on to your friends.

-oOo-

Sunday, 4 December 2011

446. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (46)

I remember trying to make a delivery in West Wales years ago.  The recipient was a David Davies (really narrows it down, eh?).  After much knocking on doors someone finally referred me to the house of Dai-the-Death.  The delivery turned out to be a box of shrouds.

Roy Lewis from Treherbert

-oOo-

Saturday, 3 December 2011

445. Sign? Wot sign?

Man (57):  Hang on, hang on!  What are you doing?  I've been parking here for ten years and I've never been towed off...

(Gustavo's comment:  He's right.  For the last 10 years he's been parking under a "No Parking" sign and he's never had his car towed away before...)

Loosely translated from Blogudeces de la Vida Cotidiana, with thanks to Gustavo.

-oOo-

Thursday, 1 December 2011

443. True Stories told by an air ticket agent. (9 of 12)

I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright from Alabama, who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?''

I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''


-oOo-

Wednesday, 30 November 2011

442. What we mean is what we don't say (16)

We SayActually I'm not altogether comfortable with what you're saying...

We Mean:  You're a disgusting, lying, ageist, racist, molesting, bullying, abusing, sexist son-of-a-bitch, but I'd be accused of discrimination if I said so.

What is says about us:  Restraint and understatement - that's the name of the game.  We're British after all.

-oOo-

Tuesday, 29 November 2011

441. Welsh idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (45)

I worked for the old Red & White Bus Company, which in turn became National Welsh, and almost everyone had a nickname. Among them was

Dai Trousers, because his trousers always quarreled with his ankles;

Legs and Braces, quite tall and wearing the obvious;

Head and Shoulders, because he was of short stature, and that was all you could see of him when he was behind the wheel;

Dai S.R. nothing to do with toothpaste, but he had a penchant to "release wind"...

These are just but a few.
.
Clive Fisher, Aberdare
-oOo-

Monday, 28 November 2011

440. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - That place with the long name...

It is now many years since the last train stopped at the railway station with the longest name in Britain, Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwll-Llantysilio-gogogoch, in Anglesey.

When a train stopped at the station the porter would cry out "Anybody in there for here?"

-oOo-

(Compare with entry 281...)

Saturday, 26 November 2011

438. True Stories told by an airport ticket agent (8 of 12)

A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii.  After going over all the cost info, she asked,  ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?''
-oOo-

Friday, 25 November 2011

437. What we mean is what we don't say (15)

What we sayI'm puzzled as to why you said that...

What we mean:  I'm not puzzled, I'm astonished at your rudeness, but at least one of us has to be civilised...

What it says about us:  Restraint and understatement - that's the name of the game.  We're British after all.

-oOo-

Thursday, 24 November 2011

436. In the supermarket

Mother (65):  This Supadog Meaty Chunks stuff is quite a well known brand, isn't it?

Daughter (39):  Yes but I don't know if he likes it.  Do you know?

Mother:  Don't know, haven't asked him, and if I do he doesn't answer...


(Gustavo's comment:  that's a negative thing to say - perhaps he answers and it's you who doesn't understand...)

Loosely translated from Blogudeces de la Vida Cotidiana, with thanks to Gustavo.

-oOo-

Wednesday, 23 November 2011

435. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (44)

My mother, along with several other girls from the Kidwelly area moved to Birmingham during the war to work at the Castle Bromwich aircraft factory where they built Spitfires. As part of the training they had to have lessons in reading Vernier gauges and micrometers. The instructor, Mr Richards, soon became known as Decimal Dick.

On moving back to Kidwelly in 1980, my father wanted some manure to enrich the vegetable plot that had lain fallow for many years. He asked his mates in the Nelson (pub) who gave him the telephone number of a local stable owner. My mother told him to put it in the phone book. One day, when I was looking through the phone book I noticed the entry - Thomas the Shit.

Tuesday, 22 November 2011

434. True Stories told by an airport ticket agent (7 of 12)

A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?''  I said,  'No, why do you ask?'

He replied,  ''Well, when I checked in with the airline,  they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT),  and I'm overweight.  I think that's very rude.''

After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , Ca. is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage...

-oOo-

Monday, 21 November 2011

433. It pays you to keep your files...

Scene:  New employee being trained on a computer system.

Woman (58):  So, do I need to keep that file?

Woman doing takeover training (29):  It's up to you - you may want to retain it for prosperity.

-oOo-

Saturday, 19 November 2011

431. What we mean is what we don't say (14)

We SayI think you'll find...

We Mean:  Just so you know I'm wiser than you...

What is says about us:  The fact that I need to point it out is a bit of a give-away, but I have an image I'm trying to keep up, so get over it.

-oOo-

Friday, 18 November 2011

430. True stories told by an airport ticket agent (6 of 12)

An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week.  She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m.,  and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.

I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones.  Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

.
-oOo-

Thursday, 17 November 2011

429. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Normal Conversation (4)

Three Welshmen in a pub praising the beer.

First Welshman:  Best glass of beer I never tasted no better.

Second Welshman:  So did I neither.

Third Welshman:  Neither did I too.

-oOo-

Wednesday, 16 November 2011

428. Visit to the cinema

Rainy afternoon.  Children at cinema with father, queuing to get in.
Boy (10):  What’s the film about Daddy?
Girl (7):  (Loudly and clearly, before father has time to reply)  I want cockporn please Daddy.
-oOo-

Tuesday, 15 November 2011

427. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (43)

An Oakdale/Celynen North deputy was called Roy Scarf because the men said he was always hanging around their necks.

Gareth from Oakdale


-oOo-

Monday, 14 November 2011

426. True stories told by an airport ticket agent (5 of 12)

An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if she could rent a car in Dallas.  I pulled up the reservation and noticed she had only a one-hour layover in Dallas.  when I asked her why she wanted to rent a car, she said "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we'll need a car to drive between gates to save time."

-oOo-

Saturday, 12 November 2011

424. What we mean is what we don't say... (13)

We sayIf I ever get like that, shoot me...

We mean:  If I ever get like that, remember this conversation but DON'T shoot me.  Admire me for the brain I once had.

What it says about us:  Please like me!

-oOo-

Friday, 11 November 2011

423. Hailstones

Woman (47):  ... it was a terrible storm.  At home we were getting hailstones the size of 'goff' balls.

Daughter (19):  Golf Ma, golf.  There's an "l" in the middle.

Woman:  Yes yes, I know, I say it but I just don't pronounce it, that's all...

(Gustavo's comment:  reply is 100% mother)

Loosely translated from Blogudeces de la Vida Cotidiana, with thanks to Gustavo.

-oOo-

Thursday, 10 November 2011

422. True stories told by an airport ticket agent (4 of 12)

I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked "Is it possible to see England from Canada?"

"No", I said.

She replied "but they're so close on the map..."

-oOo-

Tuesday, 8 November 2011

421. Wish I hadn't said that... (1)

Scene

A young couple are in a department store, beds department, choosing their first double bed, and are enjoying going into every detail with the salesman.

Salesman (40s):  There's a drawer underneath, which opens out like so... (demonstrates).

Young man (21):  Is that on both sides?

Salesman:  No, on one side only.

Young girl (20):  Ooh I don't like the idea of it opening on my side, I could trip over it.  What side do I sleep on?  I've suddenly gone blank!

Young man (showing off)  Well, let's see... our bed faces south, so I'm on the east side and you're therefore on the wet side.  

Before he has time to correct himself, the salesman hurriedly intercepts, unwittingly compounding the error.

Salesman:  Would you like to try it?

(Overheard at John Lewis department store)

-oOo-

Saturday, 5 November 2011

419. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (42)

Dai Evans was one of a big extended family, and used to be known as Dai Two.  When he passed away the nickname was transferred to another family member named Dai, and when talking about him, people used henceforth to refer to him as Evans Above.

-oOo-

Friday, 4 November 2011

418. True Stories told by an airport ticket agent (3 of 12)

A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a Florida package we did.  I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando.  He said he was expecting an ocean-view room.  I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.

He replied, 'Don't lie to me!, I looked on the map, and Florida is a very THIN state!'' 

-oOo-

Wednesday, 2 November 2011

416. What we mean is what we don't say (12)

What we say"It stinks."

What we mean:  "I don't like it." 
This catch-all phrase stops me from having to think in proper English, but is suitably strong to convey my feisty image.  I'd be a whistleblower if I was brave enough...

What it says about us:  ...but I'm not, cos I'm all mouth.

-oOo-

Monday, 31 October 2011

414. True Stories told by an airport ticket agent (2 of 12)

I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Cape Town.  I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with...  ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid,  but Cape Town is in Massachusetts ..''

Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained,  ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts ,   Cape Town is in South Africa .''


His response -- click..

-oOo-

Sunday, 30 October 2011

Saturday, 29 October 2011

412. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (41)

My grandfather worked at the Tower Colliery many years ago, with a man known as Dai-Six-Months, as he only had half an ear... And the local undertaker was/is known as Cold Fingers.  And a poor welder was known as Teflon because anything he welded didn't stick.

Lisa, Cardiff


-oOo-

Friday, 28 October 2011

411. At an interview

Interviewer (30):  Are you the 10 o'clock candidate?

Young interviewee (female, 19):  Yes

Interviewer:  Why were you late?

Young interviewee:  Well, um, the bus arrived late and then it took ages...

(Gustavo says:  Don't put her in Marketing, because she has no imagination whatsoever)

Loosely translated from Blogudeces de la Vida Cotidiana, with thanks to Gustavo.

-oOo-

Thursday, 27 October 2011

410. True stories told by an airport ticket agent (1 of 12)

I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat on the plane so that her hair wouldn't "get messed up by being near the window"... 
-oOo-

Wednesday, 26 October 2011

409. What we mean is what we don't say... (11)

What we say"It sucks"...

What we mean:  This catch-all phrase stops me from having to think of more than two words at a time, and I'm not bothered if it conjures up disagreeable images.  In fact it shows that I'm a feisty person who speaks their mind and yet is endearingly cheeky...all rather neatly in two words.

What it says about us:  I was away from school the day they taught us how to say we didn't like something in more than two words.

-oOo-

Monday, 24 October 2011

Sunday, 23 October 2011

406. Memorial Plaque Series - (83) Clevedon Pier, North Somerset


This is the last of the Clevedon Pier series,
but in the future I hope to hunt out more plaques on other piers.

-oOo-

Saturday, 22 October 2011

405. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (40)

In Aberdare amongst several undertakers were Margaret Evans - known as Maggie Box and another was David Davies, known as Dai Death.

David, formerly of Mountain Ash.

-oOo-

Thursday, 20 October 2011

403. What we mean is what we don't say... (10)

We sayGet over it

We mean:  I wish to come over as aggressive, hopefully it'll mean I won't get beaten up when someone doesn't agree with me.

What is says about us:  I messed around at school when they were teaching how to make your point in more than 3 words.

-oOo-

Monday, 17 October 2011

400. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Joke Series (1)

A customer who had ordered some Welsh lamb from her butcher, suspected that the meat she had been given was not the genuine article.

"Are you sure this is real Welsh lamb?" she demanded, angrily.

"Well, Mrs Jenkins", confessed the butcher,  that lamb was really born in New Zealand but I can assure you it had Welsh parents..."

-oOo-

Sunday, 16 October 2011

399. Spectacles

Ari's Mother (27):  No, Ari doesn't trust anyone with his spectacles.  Mind you, he chucks them about, spins them round, uses them as a hammer... but if anyone tries to touch them, even if it's to polish them, he knocks the shit out of them.  He so looks after those spectacles...

(Gustavo's comment:  Sounds like right wing family therapy to me...)

Loosely translated from Blogudeces de la Vida Cotidiana, with thanks to Gustavo.

-oOo-

Friday, 14 October 2011

397. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickame Series (39)

My friend Malcolm (Mal) was a Deputy in the Tower colliery until is was bought out by the workers.  He used to regale us with tales of characters who were Tower colliery face workers, i.e. - The Mole, because he spent more time underground than a mole, Flatnose (an ex boxer), Squeeky (he had a high pitched voice), and The Hawk because the man missed nothing and saw everything.  The Hawk always referred to his wife as The Old Crow

My wife has a habitual cough and Mal nicknamed her Letric Lungs.  He calls me El Sumpo because I am prone to drink anything and everything, and a District Nurse friend he calls Doctor Death.  An alcoholic friend is Mustafa - because she mustafa drink.  Never did find out what Mal's nickname is.  Compared to Wales, working in Kuwait for a Korean company is boring, from the nickname point of view.  Happy memories of the South Wales mining communities.

Dave Glanville from Kuwait

-oOo-

Thursday, 13 October 2011

396. What we mean is what we don't say (9)

We saySo he goes "Whassat?"... and I go "Dunno"... and then he goes "Course you know"....

We mean:  This is reported speech in the 21st century.  Get over it.

What is says about us:  I messed around at school when they were teaching reported speech.

-oOo-

Wednesday, 12 October 2011

395. Family Pride

Background

Marie and her sisters Chrissie and Diane have for some time now been warned by their mother that their father is getting very frail and can’t move around much anymore, and the day comes when he needs help to perform most everyday tasks, and he is easily confused.   A part-time nurse comes in daily to help look after him, but as Christmas approaches and the sisters plan a family get-together, Marie assures her mother that for the few days while they’re there, they will help look after Dad and won’t need the services of the nurse.  It should be easy between the three of them.  They’re a cheerful family and they approach the prospect of caring for their dependent father with goodwill and humour.

However they agree afterwards that the one thing they hadn’t foreseen was their own reaction to seeing their father naked – in their 42, 38 and 35 years of life respectively they had never seen either of their parents in the altogether.  On their very first day – Christmas Eve – they had to wash him down and when they had stripped him of his clothes Diane’s gasp alerted them to a brand new piece of information about their father – that he was startlingly well endowed. 

Diane (35):  Oh my God.  Marie.

Marie (42):  What? Oh my God.

Chrissie (38):  Bloody hell...

Marie:  Come on, we must get on with this or he’ll catch cold.  Chrissie, you go that side.  Diane, you help me here.

Diane:  Er... what?  Oh yes.  Oh God I can’t.

Marie:  Listen to me, both of you.  Just keep looking at his knees.  Just look at his knees.  Just look at his knees.

A difficult moment overcome.  They didn’t know whether to feel embarrassed, secretly proud of their father or – indeed – their mother.

(With thanks to a good friend who would prefer to remain anonymous!)

-oOo-

Tuesday, 11 October 2011

394. Memorial Plaque Series (81) - Clevedon Pier, North Somerset

Note:  This is a well known TV personality in the UK, initially a comedian, and I was interested to note that it has been regularly polished.  I love the idea that he visits the pier in the dead of night with duster and tin of polish...

-oOo-

Monday, 10 October 2011

393. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (38)

My dad, an ex miner, knew a Dai Red Ink because he always subbed his pay before the end of the week; also a Dai Rail because he always walked on the rails underground; and my cousin was called Harry Blackpat - never knew why.  I had a carpet shop in Brecon and was called Gwyn Carpets.  I lived there for many years and no one new my proper name.

Gwyn Lewis, Upper Cwmtwrch, Swansea.


-oOo-

Sunday, 9 October 2011

392. Sunday School (2)

Sunday School Teacher:  Now children, who can tell me the name of the preacher who baptised Jesus?

Sparky pupil (8)(After waving her arm frantically) John the Bapstick.

-oOo-

Thursday, 6 October 2011

389. What we mean is what we don't say (8)

We saySo he goes...and I go...and he goes...

We mean:  This is reported speech in the 21st century.  Get over it.

What it says about us:  I messed around at school when they were teaching reported speech.

-oOo-

Wednesday, 5 October 2011

388. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (37)

...The tradition continues to this day - thank goodness.  My son is in school with a boy called Tom Thomas so they call him Sat Nav (TomTom...)

Jimmy, Monmouthshire


-oOo-

Tuesday, 4 October 2011

387. Dispute in the car park

Wife (50):  Yes, but you left me stood standing in the middle of the road with all the stuff, and you disappeared like a bat out of hell ...

Husband (55):  Yeah, sorry, didn't realise what I was doing.

Wife:  You ALWAYS do this!

Husband:  Yeah, sorry, didn't realise what I was doing.

(Gustavo says:  this is how it should have finished:
Wife:  Why did you marry me?
Husband:  Yeah, sorry, didn't realise what I was doing...)

-oOo-

Saturday, 1 October 2011

384. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (36)

Big bloke in his early forties drinks in the local clubs called Jason-Two-Loaves due to the fact that he walks around with one under each arm, and another called Holly-Dot-Com due to his computer work for local pubs and clubs.

Bob from Pontlottyn
-oOo-