Monday, 31 October 2011

414. True Stories told by an airport ticket agent (2 of 12)

I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Cape Town.  I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with...  ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid,  but Cape Town is in Massachusetts ..''

Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained,  ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts ,   Cape Town is in South Africa .''

His response -- click..


Sunday, 30 October 2011

Saturday, 29 October 2011

412. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (41)

My grandfather worked at the Tower Colliery many years ago, with a man known as Dai-Six-Months, as he only had half an ear... And the local undertaker was/is known as Cold Fingers.  And a poor welder was known as Teflon because anything he welded didn't stick.

Lisa, Cardiff


Friday, 28 October 2011

411. At an interview

Interviewer (30):  Are you the 10 o'clock candidate?

Young interviewee (female, 19):  Yes

Interviewer:  Why were you late?

Young interviewee:  Well, um, the bus arrived late and then it took ages...

(Gustavo says:  Don't put her in Marketing, because she has no imagination whatsoever)

Loosely translated from Blogudeces de la Vida Cotidiana, with thanks to Gustavo.


Thursday, 27 October 2011

410. True stories told by an airport ticket agent (1 of 12)

I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat on the plane so that her hair wouldn't "get messed up by being near the window"... 

Wednesday, 26 October 2011

409. What we mean is what we don't say... (11)

What we say"It sucks"...

What we mean:  This catch-all phrase stops me from having to think of more than two words at a time, and I'm not bothered if it conjures up disagreeable images.  In fact it shows that I'm a feisty person who speaks their mind and yet is endearingly cheeky...all rather neatly in two words.

What it says about us:  I was away from school the day they taught us how to say we didn't like something in more than two words.


Monday, 24 October 2011

Sunday, 23 October 2011

406. Memorial Plaque Series - (83) Clevedon Pier, North Somerset

This is the last of the Clevedon Pier series,
but in the future I hope to hunt out more plaques on other piers.


Saturday, 22 October 2011

405. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (40)

In Aberdare amongst several undertakers were Margaret Evans - known as Maggie Box and another was David Davies, known as Dai Death.

David, formerly of Mountain Ash.


Thursday, 20 October 2011

403. What we mean is what we don't say... (10)

We sayGet over it

We mean:  I wish to come over as aggressive, hopefully it'll mean I won't get beaten up when someone doesn't agree with me.

What is says about us:  I messed around at school when they were teaching how to make your point in more than 3 words.


Monday, 17 October 2011

400. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Joke Series (1)

A customer who had ordered some Welsh lamb from her butcher, suspected that the meat she had been given was not the genuine article.

"Are you sure this is real Welsh lamb?" she demanded, angrily.

"Well, Mrs Jenkins", confessed the butcher,  that lamb was really born in New Zealand but I can assure you it had Welsh parents..."


Sunday, 16 October 2011

399. Spectacles

Ari's Mother (27):  No, Ari doesn't trust anyone with his spectacles.  Mind you, he chucks them about, spins them round, uses them as a hammer... but if anyone tries to touch them, even if it's to polish them, he knocks the shit out of them.  He so looks after those spectacles...

(Gustavo's comment:  Sounds like right wing family therapy to me...)

Loosely translated from Blogudeces de la Vida Cotidiana, with thanks to Gustavo.


Friday, 14 October 2011

397. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickame Series (39)

My friend Malcolm (Mal) was a Deputy in the Tower colliery until is was bought out by the workers.  He used to regale us with tales of characters who were Tower colliery face workers, i.e. - The Mole, because he spent more time underground than a mole, Flatnose (an ex boxer), Squeeky (he had a high pitched voice), and The Hawk because the man missed nothing and saw everything.  The Hawk always referred to his wife as The Old Crow

My wife has a habitual cough and Mal nicknamed her Letric Lungs.  He calls me El Sumpo because I am prone to drink anything and everything, and a District Nurse friend he calls Doctor Death.  An alcoholic friend is Mustafa - because she mustafa drink.  Never did find out what Mal's nickname is.  Compared to Wales, working in Kuwait for a Korean company is boring, from the nickname point of view.  Happy memories of the South Wales mining communities.

Dave Glanville from Kuwait


Thursday, 13 October 2011

396. What we mean is what we don't say (9)

We saySo he goes "Whassat?"... and I go "Dunno"... and then he goes "Course you know"....

We mean:  This is reported speech in the 21st century.  Get over it.

What is says about us:  I messed around at school when they were teaching reported speech.


Wednesday, 12 October 2011

395. Family Pride


Marie and her sisters Chrissie and Diane have for some time now been warned by their mother that their father is getting very frail and can’t move around much anymore, and the day comes when he needs help to perform most everyday tasks, and he is easily confused.   A part-time nurse comes in daily to help look after him, but as Christmas approaches and the sisters plan a family get-together, Marie assures her mother that for the few days while they’re there, they will help look after Dad and won’t need the services of the nurse.  It should be easy between the three of them.  They’re a cheerful family and they approach the prospect of caring for their dependent father with goodwill and humour.

However they agree afterwards that the one thing they hadn’t foreseen was their own reaction to seeing their father naked – in their 42, 38 and 35 years of life respectively they had never seen either of their parents in the altogether.  On their very first day – Christmas Eve – they had to wash him down and when they had stripped him of his clothes Diane’s gasp alerted them to a brand new piece of information about their father – that he was startlingly well endowed. 

Diane (35):  Oh my God.  Marie.

Marie (42):  What? Oh my God.

Chrissie (38):  Bloody hell...

Marie:  Come on, we must get on with this or he’ll catch cold.  Chrissie, you go that side.  Diane, you help me here.

Diane:  Er... what?  Oh yes.  Oh God I can’t.

Marie:  Listen to me, both of you.  Just keep looking at his knees.  Just look at his knees.  Just look at his knees.

A difficult moment overcome.  They didn’t know whether to feel embarrassed, secretly proud of their father or – indeed – their mother.

(With thanks to a good friend who would prefer to remain anonymous!)


Tuesday, 11 October 2011

394. Memorial Plaque Series (81) - Clevedon Pier, North Somerset

Note:  This is a well known TV personality in the UK, initially a comedian, and I was interested to note that it has been regularly polished.  I love the idea that he visits the pier in the dead of night with duster and tin of polish...


Monday, 10 October 2011

393. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (38)

My dad, an ex miner, knew a Dai Red Ink because he always subbed his pay before the end of the week; also a Dai Rail because he always walked on the rails underground; and my cousin was called Harry Blackpat - never knew why.  I had a carpet shop in Brecon and was called Gwyn Carpets.  I lived there for many years and no one new my proper name.

Gwyn Lewis, Upper Cwmtwrch, Swansea.


Sunday, 9 October 2011

392. Sunday School (2)

Sunday School Teacher:  Now children, who can tell me the name of the preacher who baptised Jesus?

Sparky pupil (8)(After waving her arm frantically) John the Bapstick.


Thursday, 6 October 2011

389. What we mean is what we don't say (8)

We saySo he goes...and I go...and he goes...

We mean:  This is reported speech in the 21st century.  Get over it.

What it says about us:  I messed around at school when they were teaching reported speech.


Wednesday, 5 October 2011

388. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (37)

...The tradition continues to this day - thank goodness.  My son is in school with a boy called Tom Thomas so they call him Sat Nav (TomTom...)

Jimmy, Monmouthshire


Tuesday, 4 October 2011

387. Dispute in the car park

Wife (50):  Yes, but you left me stood standing in the middle of the road with all the stuff, and you disappeared like a bat out of hell ...

Husband (55):  Yeah, sorry, didn't realise what I was doing.

Wife:  You ALWAYS do this!

Husband:  Yeah, sorry, didn't realise what I was doing.

(Gustavo says:  this is how it should have finished:
Wife:  Why did you marry me?
Husband:  Yeah, sorry, didn't realise what I was doing...)


Saturday, 1 October 2011

384. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (36)

Big bloke in his early forties drinks in the local clubs called Jason-Two-Loaves due to the fact that he walks around with one under each arm, and another called Holly-Dot-Com due to his computer work for local pubs and clubs.

Bob from Pontlottyn