Friday, 30 September 2011

383. What we mean is what we don't say (7)

We saySo I turned round and said to her...

We mean:  I took her by surprise with my strong reply - no one messes with ME

What it says about us:  I'm kinda cool and strong, aren't I?


Wednesday, 28 September 2011

381. Genetically speaking...

Scene:  Two men waiting in outpatients discussing their aches and pains.
Man 1 (75):  Ah but you’re not allowed Ibuprofen, see.  You gotta to stick to Paracetamol – that won’t do you any ‘arm.

Man 2 (79):  Well I don’t have those, I takes Nurofen.

Man 1:  See, that’s the same as Ibuprofen.

Man 2:  No it’s not, it’s Nurofen.

Man 1(Patiently)  Same thing, Ibuprofen is a sort of genetic, see.

Man 2:  Well I don’t know about things like that.


Monday, 26 September 2011

379. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (35)

I worked in Tower with Red Ray (a communist), Dai Champ (ex-boxer), Willy Four Pans (?), Egg-on-Legs (fat overman) and later I was called Wayne Postie as I ran a post office.

Wayne, Porthcawl

Friday, 23 September 2011

376. What we mean is what we don't say (6)

We sayI shouldn't be telling you this.

We mean:  Good, NOW I've got your attention.

What it says about us:  I (really) shouldn't be telling you this...


Thursday, 22 September 2011

375. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (34)

When I was doing my training at Oakdale Training Centre there was a training officer everybody knew as Dai Spangle, no prizes for guessing for sweets Dai liked.

Rob Slocombe, Pontllanfraith


Tuesday, 20 September 2011

373. Conversation overheard on a bus

Tiresome Girl 1 (21):  Well I asked him, like, why he's being so mysterious, like, who left whom and why, but he won't tell me anything.

Tiresome Girl 2 (20):  Yeah but if he, like, tells you then it's worse, because then you're gonna, like, compare...

Tiresome Girl 1:  Yeah it's worse, but, like, if he doesn't tell me I wanna know, and I'm gonna be jealous anyway, so I'd have to find out from someone else...

Tiresome Girl 2:  Yeah, I, like, sooooo know what you mean...

(Gustavo's coment:  Well I don't)

Loosely translated from Blogudeces de la Vida Cotidiana, with thanks to Gustavo.


Monday, 19 September 2011

372. How to give bed baths

Background:  Experienced nurse Marie is helping out in the ward, and is also training a very young and pretty nurse, Daisy, in giving bed baths.  She is showing signs of nervousness at having to treat youngish high spirited male patients.   Marie has given her sensible advice – speak soothingly to them as you wash them and stick to practical subjects. 

As she works, Daisy is at the next bed, around which screens have been drawn to afford the patient some privacy while he is being washed.  Through the flapping curtain Marie can see that he is surprisingly well endowed.  To a nurse with her years and experience this is merely a physiological fact, but she realises there might be a problem as soon as Daisy starts at the foot end,  and the younger girl’s embarrassment is palpable through the curtain.  “Stick to practical issues, Daisy”, Marie wills her silently, as she deals with her own patient.  She hears her through the curtain.

Daisy (20):  Well Mr Evans, if you would just lie flat for me... that’s it, thank you.  Let’s do your feet first.

She then proceeds to  knee level.

...Right I hope I’m not doing this too hard...No?....good...

Further up.!)...are you married Mr Evans? ... No?  Oh, what a a shame...

Followed by a long, embarrassed silence.


With thanks to Sarah

Sunday, 18 September 2011

371. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (33)

My father (1901 - 1958) was known as Tom Jockey in Crumlin, Gwent, a title inherited from his father who used to take the mail on horseback in the valleys in the late 1800s.

John Harris, France.


Thursday, 15 September 2011

368. A word or two about Dr Smith...

Background:  Old lady chatting excitedly to a friend she’s met in the street after a long absence.

Old lady (87):  Dr Smith is a lovely man, I go to him for everything.  Most congenital he is.


Wednesday, 14 September 2011

Tuesday, 13 September 2011

366. Memorial Plaque Series (73) - Clevedon Pier, Somerset

It says -

Tom Robinson
Artist extraordinaire and friend of the pier.
1991 and still painting


Monday, 12 September 2011

365. What we mean is what we don't say (5)

We say:  ....But that's just me!  (with a depracating shrug of the shoulders and a twinkle)

We mean:  I'm unique, a one-off.  Quirky and different, you could never forget me.

What it says about us:  I need to feel original, in case I'm not.


PS:  One year blog anniversary today!  I never know for how long I'll be able to keep finding humorous or quirky things to say - I never have more than a few weeks' worth of posts stored up at any one time.  To enable me to make entries every day they're not always original, they're chosen because they're MY humour.  I hope they give you a daily smile.

I'm also grateful to Gustavo from Blogudeces de la Vida Cotidiana for the initial inspiration and encouragement, and for allowing me to pillage some of his stories to translate into English.

Thursday, 8 September 2011

361. At the branch office in Bahía Blanca of an IT company

Scene:  Local beauty spots are being discussed, particularly a range of pre-cambrian mountains known as the Sierra de la Ventana ("ventana" = window) because of an unusual formation in one of them -

General Manager, Bahía Blanca office (52):  So - do you know Sierra de la Ventana?

Gustavo (38):  Yes, but a long time ago.  These days I suppose it's known as Sierra Windows 2010?

(Gustavo's comment:  All right, all right, keep your hair on.............)

Loosely translated from Blogudeces de la Vida Cotidiana, with thanks to Gustavo.


Wednesday, 7 September 2011

360. What we mean is what we don't say (4)

We SayTo be honest (or) to be brutally frank...........

We Mean:  No one has the guts to say this but me, so prepare to be really impressed.

What it says about us:  I was away the day they taught us at school how to express ourselves in phrases other than clichés.


Tuesday, 6 September 2011

359. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (30)

My Grandad who worked down Treharris Deep Navigation Pit, told of a bloke who when he first came to Merthyr got on the bus.  Not knowing how to ask for a return ticket, he made the best of it and asked for a ticket back and front.  From then on he was known as Dai Back and Front.

Kate Evans, Merthur Tydfil

Sunday, 4 September 2011

357. Emma The Helpful

Scene:  A senior consultant surgeon is preparing to go out to an important hospital dinner and he’s running a bit late.  As usual he’s on his mobile sorting out some problem or other, his wife is coming and going, handing him a freshly ironed shirt, hunting for the cuff links he’s mislaid, and reminding him about the coins he’ll need to cross the toll bridge.  7 year old daughter Emma is getting in everybody’s way because she wants to be a part of the hustle and bustle.  What she says next freezes all activity at a stroke.

Emma (7):  Daddy, Mummy’s found your fuck links.


Saturday, 3 September 2011

356. Breaking news – Grass Frosties are bad for you

Background:  Rona works as secretary at a small branch of wholesale seed merchants.  They sell grass seed for, among other uses, growing forage grass for milking cows.  A recent innovation is the development of a special grass which contains higher levels of water-soluble carbohydrates – sugars - within the cells, and has been proven to raise milk yields by 6%.  It’s known as High Sugar Grass, and the phones have been buzzing with farmers wanting to know more about it.  Rona is taking many calls which she passes on to the salesmen, and it’s so busy that she’s finding it difficult to get on with her main work.  She’s taken plenty of messages too, and at one point several salesmen are standing by her desk, waiting to be handed the various scribbled notes.  The stress is getting to her...

Rona (50) – crossly:  All this fuss about high sugar grasses... and anyway it must be terribly bad for the cows’ teeth...


Friday, 2 September 2011

355. Welsh idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (29)

I used to live in a street called the Bush Houses, in Clydach Vale, Rhondda.  There was a wonderful character there, a chap known as Harry Penny (né Francis).  He owned a donkey and cart, and each morning he would travel to Tonypandy Railway station, to meet the cockles and mussels train that would arrive at 4:30 a.m. from West Wales.  He's take his collection home to be washed before going out on th streets to sell his product.  He would sell the mussels and cockles in a pint jar, for a penny - and that's how Harry got his name.  It was thought that Harry sired 22 children, most of whom I knew!

Gregory Glyndwr