523. Memorable Signs (1)

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522. What we mean is what we don't say... (32)

We Say:  Free on Saturday?  Why how lovely!  Let me just check with (name of partner) and I'll get back to you.

We Mean:  Don't want to go.  Must think up a really good excuse.

What it says about us:  I'll have to see if I can get a better alternative.  I can't possibly go if it might mean I won't enjoy myself/feel comfortable/like the food...

-oOo-

521. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (61)

There was an old miner who was an ex soldier in World War II.  He was always telling war stories, so they called him Dai Tin Hat.

Graeme Jones, Treharris.

-oOo-

www.bbc.co.uk/wales/southeast/sites/familyhistory/pages/nicknames_ralphthomas.shtm

520. Glorious Insults from the Past (4)

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure". - Clarence Darrow.

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519. When animals have something to say (2)

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518. About Grannies

Little girl (6):  Granny always puts sugar in her Nesquik...

Gran (54):  No I don't, I never have it with sugar.

Little girl:  No, not you, my normal granny.

Mother (26):  What do you mean, 'your normal granny'?

Little girl:  Obvious.  This is Granny Rose, the other one is my normal granny.

(Gustavo's comment:  See, in my case I have a Gran and I used to have a Nan, so even if both were abnormal I wouldn't have got them muddled...)

Loosely translated from Blogudeces de la Vida Cotidiana, with thanks to Gustavo.

-oOo-

517. What we mean is what we don't say...(31)

We Say:  Why of course we're friends! (or) of course I like you!

We Mean:  If you have to ask then we might have a problem, but I'll brazen it out for now.

What it says about us:  I hate needy people...

-oOo-

516. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (60)

I remember a friend of my grandmother, who had a reputation of hiding from the rent man whenever he came to visit.  We called her May-Under-The-Stairs.  And the singing barber Ivor Bing was my great uncle!

Darren, originally from Maesteg.

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www.bbc.co.uk/wales/southeast/sites/familyhistory/pages/nicknames_ralphthomas.shtm

515. Glorious Insults from the Past (3)

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."  - Winston Churchill

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514. Twin Talk

E-K is one of the blogs I've been following for a couple of years.  The writer is feisty and full of opinions about everything.  Recently he was mentioning his twin sons, who by all accounts are very bright.  He says -

Sam came top in his year for biology (he doesn't get it from me).  His school made the top 100 in the country and he's the youngest in the year.  His brother is one minute and thirty seconds older.  "My life was going really well until you were born" said Jake recently.

Thank you to E-K.

-oOo-

513. Camouflage

Perfect camouflage:  can you spot the cat?

Look at the little stone wall a foot high...

Line your eye up with the green cactus the other side of the path...

Draw an imaginary line down from the cactus to the little wall...

Keep on going...

...and there's the cat standing in front of the stones.

Amazing!

-oOo-

512. What we mean is what we don't say... (30)

We say:  Can I have a word?

We mean:  Prepare yourself, cos it's going to be a damn sight more than one word...

What is says about us:  I'm sure you don't want to know why I'm not happy, but you're going to be told anyway.

-oOo-

511. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (59)

Legendary Blackwood Town Rugby Club linesman is known to all as Dai Flag.

Gareth Berry, Blackwood

-oOo-

www.bbc.co.uk/wales/southeast/sites/familyhistory/pages/nicknames_ralphthomas.shtm

510. Glorious Insults from the Past (2)

"He had delusions of adequacy."   Walter Kerr.

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509. When Animals have something to say... (1)

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508. Carnival time, Buenos Aires

Boy (9):  Ooh look, what shall we do, there's two of us and we've got five water bombs left to throw...

Sister (11):  Tell you what, let's just burst one of them so that with four left there's two for each of us.

Gustavo's comment:  Fair's fair...

Very loosely translated from Blogudeces de la vida Cotidiana, with thanks to Gustavo.

-oOo-

507. What we mean is what we don't say (29)

We say:  There's a subtle difference...

We mean:  I'm subtle aren't I?  And clever too.

What it says about us:  I'm not very subtle or clever, or I wouldn't have used the word..

-oOo-

506. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (58)

We had two chaps at the PO in Newport.  One had a speech impediment and stammered when trying to pronounce the letter H.  So anything starting with what, where, who or when  was always wh...wh... wh... wh... Who?  Naturally he became known as Hot Chip. 

Another chap had a leg injury which gave him an odd walk, every other step he lifted his right leg and gave an involuntary kick downwards in mid air.  He became known as Kick Start.

Boris J, Crindau

-oOo-

www.bbc.co.uk/wales/southeast/sites/familyhistory/pages/nicknames_ralphthomas.shtm

505. Glorious insults from the past (1)

A member of Parliament to Disraeli:  "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." 

"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

-oOo-

504. Ascension Day?

Thank you to my godmother Juliette for this gem:

A friend of mine used to teach Sunday School at a church in Rosario (Argentina) and one little boy told his mother that "Mrs Fisher told us that Jesus went to heaven in a rowing boat on Ascension Day. "

Mystified, his mother asked Mrs Fisher "What did you tell the children about Ascension Day?" 

Mrs Fisher was just as puzzled until it dawned on her that she may have said "Jesus rose to heaven".

-oOo-

503. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Joke Series (11)

Advertisement in Welsh hairdressers:  "Before using your hair tonic I had three bald patches.  Now I only have one."

-oOo-

502. What we mean is what we don't say... (28)

We say:  Hrrrmph!  Cough!  Cough!  Hrrmph!  Excuse me, tickle in throat...

We mean: I'll bet they can't tell I've just farted.  They'll never know the noises were coming from both ends...

What it says about us:  And if I need to scratch my b******s later I'll pretend I'm adjusting my clothing.

-oOo-

501. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (57)

When working in Oakdale colliery there was a man who carried the ambulance box and who fainted at the sight of blood - he was called Dr Faint-Easy.  He carried the box for the 5 shillings (25p) a week.

When working in the Rockwool factory there was a man who when he started had a newspaper in his pocket and was known as Echo.  A Dicky Gums - he didn't have any teeth.  A Billy Whizz because he walked so fast.  There was an Egg-on because he was short and fat.  Spikey for his crew-cut hair.  It seems that just about everyone had a nickname and answered to it.

Leslie Phillips (ex Blackwood) now Barry.

-oOo-

www.bbc.co.uk/wales/southeast/sites/familyhistory/pages/nicknames_ralphthomas.shtm

500. Not that colourful...

Harassed teacher:  Now children, you should all have a little prism on your desks - ready?  Now, face the window and hold it up to the light, and you should be able to see all the colours of the rectum...

-oOo-

Thanks to Anna.

499. Exam papers (25 of 25)

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498. You're in the Army now...

Christmas time...

Mother:  How was school today?

Son (9):  We had a visit from the South Asian Army.  They came right into the playground!

Mother: (uncertainly) Oh - and what did they do?

Son:  They had trumpets and things, and sang lots of carols, and we sang too.

(Thank you to Hilary)

-oOo-

497. What we mean is what we don't say... (27)

We say:  How are you?

We mean:  Don't tell me, just say 'fine' and then get on with asking me the same daft question, and I won't tell you either...

What it says about us:  How else do we get going here...

-oOo-

496. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (56)

Throughout the sixties and seventies our local coal delivery man was affectionately known as Glyn-and-Glo. 

I worked at a large office in Swansea during the 1980s with a David Davies - he was known as Dai Twice.

Sian Willis, Llanelli

-oOo-

www.bbc.co.uk/wales/southeast/sites/familyhistory/pages/nicknames_ralphthomas.shtm

495. Granny Talk

Granny Aititi (82):  That child is a treasure.

Gustavo (38):  We should bury him then.

Sister (20):  I was just thinking the exact same thing...

(Gustavo says - wow, it's catching...)

Loosely translated from Blogudeces de la Vida Cotidiana, with thanks to Gustavo.

-oOo-

494. Exam Papers (24 of 25)

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493. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Joke Series (10)

A Welsh physicist - Dai-Atomic.

-oOo-

http://www.welshjokes.com/jokes/welshisms

492. What we mean is what we don't say... (26)

We say:  Mustn't grumble.

We mean:  I'd love to though - persuade me?

What it says about us:  Here's the thing - I want to grumble and I want to be liked...

-oOo-

491. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (55)

This page wouldn't be complete without the infamous Trev the Milk of Tredegar, or the phramacist Dai the Pill.

Kathryn Powell, formerly of Tredegar

-oOo-

www.bbc.co.uk/wales/southeast/sites/familyhistory/pages/nicknames_ralphthomas.shtm

490. In Church

Little girl in a whisper to her mother (6):  Who are the Lloyds Mummy?

Mother:  I don't know darling, who said that?

Little girl:  the vicar ... (seeing mother frown).... yes, he said we had to pray for them...  (the frown deepens so the little girl's voice gets louder).... we had to say the Lloyds Prayer, remember?

-oOo-

489. Exam Papers (23 of 25)

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488. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (54)

I remember an Apple Edwards from Tynte (he was fond of the cider).  He would always be on the last bus down the valley, three sheets to the wind, on his knees in the aisle serenading the whole bus with Al Jolson numbers until we reached his stop.

Martin Barclay now in Cardiff

-oOo-

www.bbc.co.uk/wales/southeast/sites/familyhistory/pages/nicknames_ralphthomas.shtm

487. What we mean is what we don't say... (25)

We say:  Oh well, never mind...

We mean:  I'm bored with your complaint.  Change the subject, will you?

What it says about us:  There's only so much negativity one can take...

-oOo-

486. Visit to Madame Tussauds, London

Mother:  Well, did you like all you saw?

12 year old visitor (male):  It's OK... but I didn't see the swords.

Mother:  What swords?

Visitor:  The swords of the lady - why couldn't we see them?

Mother:  I don't know what you're talking about.

Visitor (impatiently):  Yes you DO, we never saw Madame Two Swords.......

-oOo-

485. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Joke Series (9)

Mr Williams, the local chiropodist:  Williams the Corn-Curer.

-oOo-

484. Exam Papers (22 of 25)

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483. Junior outpatient

Kindly nurse (40) (who is distracting little girl from the uncomfortable procedure being done to her):  So what does your Daddy do for a living?

Patient, female, 8:  He's a builder.

Nurse:  Oh that' nice.  And your Mummy?

Patient:  Dunno...

Nurse:  Maybe she doesn't work because she stays at home to look after you?

Patient:  Yes but she could work cos Daddy says she could talk for a living.

-oOo-

482. What we mean is what we don't say... (24)

(Carrying on from post 477...)

We say:  Hope the weather's nice for you!       
.

We mean:  Well, the subject has to get mentioned in the same breath as the holiday, doesn't it?

What it says about us:  It's not as if we'll be able to compete from the UK, is it?

-oOo-

481. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (53)

There was a character in Ynysboeth called Terry Book'ew, because he was going to tell the police on us kids all the time when we played in the Boeth Park.

Ruth Barclay, Ynysboeth

-oOo-

www.bbc.co.uk/wales/southeast/sites/familyhistory/pages/nicknames_ralphthomas.shtm

480. A new App?

Scene:  Enthusiastic work colleague keen to show a new starter how to perform an operation on her computer.

Colleague (female, 30s):  Here, let me show you how to do this…. (nothing happens on the screen) Oh come on….  Why is this mouse not working?

New starter (female, 20s):  Because you’re using my iPhone as a mouse?

-oOo-

479. Exam Papers (21 of 25)

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478. Overheard on the underground/subway, Buenos Aires

Hot chick (29):  ...and when he came into the gym... well it was like an epilepsy.  I suddenly understood everything...

Gustavo's comment:  And if it had been like an epiphany, she might have fallen on the floor and started to shake with her tongue going backwards...

Loosely translated from Blogudeces de la Vida Cotidiana, with thanks to Gustavo.

-oOo-

477. What we mean is what we don't say... (23)

We say:  Have lots of fun!  have a lovely time!

We mean:  But not too much... well, one has to say something.

What is says about us: I don't want to think about you having a lovely time, in case I won't be.

-oOo-

476. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (52)

In Ogilvie colliery we had a ventilation officer called Billy Fresh Air.

Glyn Smith, Abertillery

-oOo-

www.bbc.co.uk/wales/southeast/sites/familyhistory/pages/nicknames_ralphthomas.shtm

475. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Joke Series (8)

After H.G. Wells discovered that Oliver Cromwell's real name was Williams and that his ancestors came from Margam, he always referred to the great man as "Williams the Conqueror".

-oOo-

474. Exam Papers (20 of 25)

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