533. If you can keep your head when all about you...

Recommendation

If you go to a supermarket whose owners are Chinese, and perched on the till they've got an unsteady looking container full of lollipops and chocolate bars sticking out, be careful not to nudge one of the bars with your elbow, because without a shadow of a doubt the container will become unstable, the lollipops will crash to the floor making a terrible noise, and end up in a splintered, sticky mess.

(Gustavo's comment:  I didn't follow my own advice)

Loosely translated from Blogudeces de la Vida Cotidiana, with thanks to Gustavo.

-oOo-

532. What we mean is what we don't say... (34)

We say:  My work colleague's away for two weeks.

We mean:  So don't even THINK of asking me to do his work for him...

What is says about us:  One has to think of other ways of saying "It's not my job"...

-oOo-

531. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (63)

My friend's dad worked in Tower Colliery and he always used to be on about Dai Magic.  Apparently when there was work to be done he would disappear.

Ross Manning.

-oOo-

www.bbc.co.uk/wales/southeast/sites/familyhistory/pages/nicknames_ralphthomas.sht

530. Glorious insults from the past (6)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."

(Moses Hadas)

-oOo-

529. When animals have something to say (3)

-oOo-

528. New Year's Eve party, on the stroke of midnight

Swaying reveller, drunk as a skunk, waving his glass and slopping its contents in the face of another reveller whom he's hoping to impress (young, relatively sober and female): 

"Happy Nude Rear............................!"

-oOo-

527. What we mean is what we don't say... (33)

We say:  I'll let you know if I'm free...I'll call/e-mail/text you...

We mean:  Don't want to think about it right now, and anyway I want to keep my options open...

What it says about us:  I'll do what suits me.

-oOo-

526. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (62)

There was a fitter called Bore Fore as he'd always put the job off till the morning.  Another fitter was called Flashing Spanners.

Tom, South Wales

(Blogger note: I don't understand the first one either - can anyone explain??)

-oOo-

www.bbc.co.uk/wales/southeast/sites/familyhistory/pages/nicknames_ralphthomas.shtm

525. Glorious Insults from the Past (5)

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

-oOo-

524. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Joke Series (12)

An English visitor to a small Welsh village was approached by one of the deacons of the local chapel, who asked him whether he would like to attend their chapel on the following Sunday.

"Wouldn't that be a little pointless?" asked the Englisman.  "After all, your services are held in Welsh and I don't understand the language."

"Ah yes", said the deacon, "but the collection is in English."

-oOo-

523. Memorable Signs (1)

-oOo-

522. What we mean is what we don't say... (32)

We Say:  Free on Saturday?  Why how lovely!  Let me just check with (name of partner) and I'll get back to you.

We Mean:  Don't want to go.  Must think up a really good excuse.

What it says about us:  I'll have to see if I can get a better alternative.  I can't possibly go if it might mean I won't enjoy myself/feel comfortable/like the food...

-oOo-

521. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (61)

There was an old miner who was an ex soldier in World War II.  He was always telling war stories, so they called him Dai Tin Hat.

Graeme Jones, Treharris.

-oOo-

www.bbc.co.uk/wales/southeast/sites/familyhistory/pages/nicknames_ralphthomas.shtm

520. Glorious Insults from the Past (4)

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure". - Clarence Darrow.

-oOo-

519. When animals have something to say (2)

-oOo-

518. About Grannies

Little girl (6):  Granny always puts sugar in her Nesquik...

Gran (54):  No I don't, I never have it with sugar.

Little girl:  No, not you, my normal granny.

Mother (26):  What do you mean, 'your normal granny'?

Little girl:  Obvious.  This is Granny Rose, the other one is my normal granny.

(Gustavo's comment:  See, in my case I have a Gran and I used to have a Nan, so even if both were abnormal I wouldn't have got them muddled...)

Loosely translated from Blogudeces de la Vida Cotidiana, with thanks to Gustavo.

-oOo-

517. What we mean is what we don't say...(31)

We Say:  Why of course we're friends! (or) of course I like you!

We Mean:  If you have to ask then we might have a problem, but I'll brazen it out for now.

What it says about us:  I hate needy people...

-oOo-

516. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (60)

I remember a friend of my grandmother, who had a reputation of hiding from the rent man whenever he came to visit.  We called her May-Under-The-Stairs.  And the singing barber Ivor Bing was my great uncle!

Darren, originally from Maesteg.

-oOo-

www.bbc.co.uk/wales/southeast/sites/familyhistory/pages/nicknames_ralphthomas.shtm

515. Glorious Insults from the Past (3)

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."  - Winston Churchill

-oOo-

514. Twin Talk

E-K is one of the blogs I've been following for a couple of years.  The writer is feisty and full of opinions about everything.  Recently he was mentioning his twin sons, who by all accounts are very bright.  He says -

Sam came top in his year for biology (he doesn't get it from me).  His school made the top 100 in the country and he's the youngest in the year.  His brother is one minute and thirty seconds older.  "My life was going really well until you were born" said Jake recently.

Thank you to E-K.

-oOo-

513. Camouflage

Perfect camouflage:  can you spot the cat?

Look at the little stone wall a foot high...

Line your eye up with the green cactus the other side of the path...

Draw an imaginary line down from the cactus to the little wall...

Keep on going...

...and there's the cat standing in front of the stones.

Amazing!

-oOo-

512. What we mean is what we don't say... (30)

We say:  Can I have a word?

We mean:  Prepare yourself, cos it's going to be a damn sight more than one word...

What is says about us:  I'm sure you don't want to know why I'm not happy, but you're going to be told anyway.

-oOo-

511. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (59)

Legendary Blackwood Town Rugby Club linesman is known to all as Dai Flag.

Gareth Berry, Blackwood

-oOo-

www.bbc.co.uk/wales/southeast/sites/familyhistory/pages/nicknames_ralphthomas.shtm

510. Glorious Insults from the Past (2)

"He had delusions of adequacy."   Walter Kerr.

-oOo-

509. When Animals have something to say... (1)

-oOo-

508. Carnival time, Buenos Aires

Boy (9):  Ooh look, what shall we do, there's two of us and we've got five water bombs left to throw...

Sister (11):  Tell you what, let's just burst one of them so that with four left there's two for each of us.

Gustavo's comment:  Fair's fair...

Very loosely translated from Blogudeces de la vida Cotidiana, with thanks to Gustavo.

-oOo-

507. What we mean is what we don't say (29)

We say:  There's a subtle difference...

We mean:  I'm subtle aren't I?  And clever too.

What it says about us:  I'm not very subtle or clever, or I wouldn't have used the word..

-oOo-

506. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (58)

We had two chaps at the PO in Newport.  One had a speech impediment and stammered when trying to pronounce the letter H.  So anything starting with what, where, who or when  was always wh...wh... wh... wh... Who?  Naturally he became known as Hot Chip. 

Another chap had a leg injury which gave him an odd walk, every other step he lifted his right leg and gave an involuntary kick downwards in mid air.  He became known as Kick Start.

Boris J, Crindau

-oOo-

www.bbc.co.uk/wales/southeast/sites/familyhistory/pages/nicknames_ralphthomas.shtm

505. Glorious insults from the past (1)

A member of Parliament to Disraeli:  "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." 

"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

-oOo-