997. Kulula Airlines (24)

Kulula Airlines is a low cost airline operating in South Africa on domestic flights.  Their novel approach is brightly coloured livery and to make everything humorous - either by the way they paint the outside of their planes or with their public address system.  The word Kulula itself means "it's easy" in the Zulu and Xhosa languages.

In-flight announcement:

"Your seats' cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

-oOo-

996. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (110)

My grandfather was known as Dai-Tread as he created a pathway across the mountain from the pit to his house.  Locally there was also Michael-the-Milk, Brian-the-Baker and Dean-Death, who worked for the undertaker.

Simon, Pontypridd

-oOo-

www.bbc.co.uk/wales/southeast/sites/familyhistory/pages/nicknames_ralphthomas.shtm

995. Trials and Tribulations

-oOo-

994. Memorable Signs (48)

-oOo-

993. Guests' Complaints recorded by Thomas Cook Holidays (20)

"We had to queue outside with no air-conditioning."

-oOo-

992. - or are they midget horses?

-oOo-

991. Celebrity Quotes (37)

I am ready to meet my Maker.  Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

-  Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

-oOo-

990. Grumpy Old Quotes (24)

Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.

Rodney Dangerfield

-oOo-

The series of Grumpy Old Quotes comes from "More Wrinklies' Wit & Wisdom", Compiled by Allison Vale and Alison Rattle, ISBN -13: 978-1-86200-331-6, published in 2006 by SevenOaks, which I thoroughly recommend.

989. Octopus?

988. Quick Quips (6)

It may be the early bird that catches the worm, but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese...

-oOo-

987. Kulula Airlines (23)

Kulula Airlines is a low cost airline operating in South Africa on domestic flights.  Their novel approach is brightly coloured livery and to make everything humorous - either by the way they paint the outside of their planes or with their public address system.  The word Kulula itself means "it's easy" in the Zulu and Xhosa languages.

In-flight announcement:

"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive.  Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you or your money more than Kulula Airlines."

-oOo-

986. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (109)

Two Malcolm Joneses live in the same road, the inevitable Malcom-Top-House and Malcolm-Bottom-House is how they are known.  Another chap here who is about five foot tall is known as Little-Legs.

G, Newbridge

-oOo-

www.bbc.co.uk/wales/southeast/sites/familyhistory/pages/nicknames_ralphthomas.shtm

985. Passwords

-oOo-

984. Memorable Signs (47)

-oOo-

983. Guests' Complaints recorded by Thomas Cook Holidays (19)

"There are too many Spanish people.  The receptionist speaks Spanish.  The food is Spanish.  Too many foreigners."

-oOo-

982. Self-service at my place...

-oOo-

981. Celebrity Quotes (36)

The difference between "involvement" and "commitment" is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast:  the chicken was "involved", the pig was "committed".

- unknown

-oOo-

980. Grumpy Old Quotes (23)

My secret for staying young is good food, plenty of rest, and a make-up man with a spray gun.

Bob Hope

-oOo-

The series of Grumpy Old Quotes comes from "More Wrinklies' Wit & Wisdom", Compiled by Allison Vale and Alison Rattle, ISBN -13: 978-1-86200-331-6, published in 2006 by SevenOaks, which I thoroughly recommend.

979. Answers to Hecklers (24)

Heckler:  "I met you at medical school."

Frank Skinner:  "Ah yes... you were the one in the jar."

-oOo-

978. Quick Quips (5)

Drink till she's cute, but stop before the wedding.

-oOo-

977. Kulula Airlines (22)

Kulula Airlines is a low cost airline operating in South Africa on domestic flights.  Their novel approach is brightly coloured livery and to make everything humorous - either by the way they paint the outside of their planes or with their public address system.  The word Kulula itself means "it's easy" in the Zulu and Xhosa languages.

In-flight announcement:

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling.  Stop screaming, grab the mask and pull it over your face.  If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs.  If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite."

-oOo-

976. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (108)

...He was called Tommy-Chocolate, because he loved himself so much that had he been chocolate he would have eaten himself...

David Williams, Newport

-oOo-

www.bbc.co.uk/wales/southeast/sites/familyhistory/pages/nicknames_ralphthomas.shtm

975. Pardon?

-oOo-

974. Memorable Signs (46)

-oOo-

973. Guests' Complaints recorded by Thomas Cook Holidays (18)

"The brochure stated:  'No hairdressers at the accomodation'.  We're trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying here?"

-oOo-

972. Computer Advice

If you're going to switch off your computer after spending three hours updating the design of your highly complex (read fiddly) Access 2007 tables, it is advisable to save your work first.

Note:  I didn't follow my own advice.

This is my own (bitter) entry, but the format follows one used by Gustavo on Blogudeces de la Vida Cotidiana, for which I thank him...

-oOo-

971. Celebrity Quotes (35)

Don't stay in bed unless you can make money in bed.

- George Burns (1896-1996)

-oOo-

970. Grumpy Old Quotes (22)

I'm not ageing, I just need re-potting.

Anon

-oOo-

The series of Grumpy Old Quotes comes from "More Wrinklies' Wit & Wisdom", Compiled by Allison Vale and Alison Rattle, ISBN -13: 978-1-86200-331-6, published in 2006 by SevenOaks, which I thoroughly recommend.

969. Answers to Hecklers (23)

Harry Hill:  "You might heckle me now, but when I get home I've got a chicken in the oven."

-oOo-