773. Put downs (12)

Sure I'd love to help you out.  Which way did you come in?

-oOo-

772. What we mean is what we don't say... (80)

We say:  You're so lucky to be able to sleep so much!  On weekends my lie-in means that I don't get up till 7 a.m.....

We mean:  I hope I've impressed you, you lazy lump, because I know your lie-ins mean you don't get up till at least noon...

What it says about us:  You waste the day, while I'm a virtuous and dynamic achiever.  Running around doing housework will surely lengthen my lifespan.... Won't it???... Well... at least I'll go to heaven when I die and you definitely won't.

-oOo-

771. Celebrity Quotes (14)

He's so ugly, they ought to donate his face to the World Wildlife Fund.

- Muhammad Ali on Joe Frazier

-oOo-

770. Grumpy Old Quotes (2)

Old age at least gives me an excuse for not being very good at things that I was not very good at when I was young.

Thomas Sowell

-oOo-

The series of Grumpy Old Quotes comes from "More Wrinklies' Wit & Wisdom", Compiled by Allison Vale and Alison Rattle, ISBN -13: 978-1-86200-331-6, published in 2006 by SevenOaks, which I thoroughly recommend.

769. Answers to Hecklers (3)

Ricky Gervais:

"This is a big venue, I can't really get into one-to-ones.  In a smaller room I'd still ignore you - SHUT UP!"

-oOo-

768. Comebacks (7)

Man:  Your place or mine?

Woman:  Both - you're going to yours and I'm going to mine.

-oOo-

767. Kulula Airlines (1)

Have you ever heard of Kulula Airlines?  It's a low cost airline operating in South Africa on domestic flights.  Their novel approach is brightly coloured livery and to make everything humorous - the word Kulula itself means "it's easy" in the Zulu and Xhosa languages. 

I've put together a sequence of posts about them featuring photographs from the internet and some of their in-flight announcements, to show you what I mean.  It's a breath of fresh air in a business which is so frightened of scaring its passengers in case it puts them off from using their airline.  Kulula just makes its passengers laugh.

I'll post about Kulula every ten posts - so the next one will be post number 777, and so on.

-oOo-

766. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (88)

Nicknames derived from the mining industry -

Dai Six Months (lost part of an ear in an accident),

Blackdamp (named after the deadly creeping gas found underground)

Sprag (named after the sprag of wood used to slow up the coal drams when on a downward slope) and so on.

These nicknames are a wonderful record of life in the pits and should be preserved.

John W of Treowen, Newbridge

-oOo-

www.bbc.co.uk/wales/southeast/sites/familyhistory/pages/nicknames_ralphthomas.shtm

765. Weakest Link put downs (4)

Who's one Froot Loop shy of a full bowl?

-oOo-

764. Memorable Signs (25)

-oOo-

763. Put downs (11)

I hear you're connected to the Police Department.  Would that be by a pair of handcuffs?

-oOo-

762. What we mean is what we don't say... (79)

We say:  What time shall we leave - 7.30?

We mean:  See how I consult you on everything?

What it says about us:  Might as well tell her what time I want to leave before she has a chance to think about it, so we do things my way.

-oOo-

761. Celebrity Quotes (13)

The only genius with an IQ of 60.

- Gore Vidal about Andy Warhol.

-oOo-

760. Grumpy Old Quotes (1)

When we are young we are slavishly employed in procuring something whereby we may live comfortably when we grow old, and when we ARE old, we perceive it is too late to live as we proposed.

Alexander Pope

The series of Grumpy Old Quotes comes from "More Wrinklies' Wit & Wisdom", Compiled by Allison Vale and Alison Rattle, ISBN -13: 978-1-86200-331-6, published in 2006 by SevenOaks, which I thoroughly recommend.

-oOo-

759. Answers to Hecklers (2)

John Cooper Clarke:

"Your bus leaves in ten minutes... be under it."

-oOo-

758. Comebacks (6)

- Do you notice how I've kept my youthful complexion?

-  Yeah, so I see.  Spotty.

-oOo-

757. Celebrity Quotes (17)

“Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.”

Anon

-oOo-

756. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (87)

Dai Central Eating 'cos he only had 1 front tooth, which was set in the middle of his top jaw. His name didn't change even when he got dentures!!

Dai Vatican - because his surname was Pope and he was a Catholic.

Evans the Milk (milkman) and he traded under that name.

Jones the Bus: they ran/drove the local bus company.

Jenny Rotten, due to poor dental hygiene.

Dotty Datestones (never knew her real name) cos her teeth had discoloured to the colour of dates.

Dic Oil Slick, mechanic, real name Richard Jones.

My Uncle William who lost half an ear in a pitfall was known ever after as "Bill 18 months".

My father told me of the man of 6'3" who jumped from Crumlin Viaduct, the highest in the world and was said to only measure 3'6" on landing, was posthumously always refered to as "Dai Pwt" - Dai Short. Tragic.

Oh and what about "Shioni Onion" - these chaps were Bretons and arrived from France every year to sell their strings of onions garlic and shallots. Always carried on an ancient black bicycle and Shioni always wore a beret and a neckerchief. Today, in our politically correct society, it is no longer the done thing, as it is now seen as being derogoatory or emotional abusive, but people were proud to be given and to bear these names.

Zoe De Luca, Brindisi, Italy

-oOo-

www.bbc.co.uk/wales/southeast/sites/familyhistory/pages/nicknames_ralphthomas.shtm

755. Missing Link put downs (3)

Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; you only gargle.

-oOo-

754. Memorable Signs (24)

-oOo-

753. Put downs (10)

Somebody said to me that you ain't fit to sleep with the pigs.  Well, I stuck up for the pigs.

-oOo-

752. What we mean is what we don't say... (78)

We say:  Of course I love you!

We mean:  I hate it when you ask.

What it says about us:  It's quite an art to pitch it somewhere between cautious and spontaneous...

-oOo-

751. Celebrity Quotes (12)

The Thief of Bad Gags.

- Walter Winchell about Milton Berne.

-oOo-

750. Hotel advice

Boss (51):  Forget about the ones on the coast road:  if you go round by the lake you'll find places that'll give you a 50% discount, and in some places you can even get 100% discount...

(Gustavo's comment: and if you stay inside the lake itself you'll get 110% and they'll pay YOU...)

Loosely translated from Blogudeces de la Vida Cotidiana, with thanks to Gustavo.

-oOo-

749. Answers to Hecklers (1)

Arthur Smith: 

"Is that your real face or are you still celebrating Halloween?"

-oOo-

748. Comebacks (5)

Little Sister: You’re ugly.

You: And you’re good looking, for a gorilla.

Little Sister:  Must be cos we're related.

-oOo-

747. What we mean is what we don't say... (77)

We say:  Sorry to interrupt....

We mean:  I'm not sorry to interrupt.

What it says about us:  ...But if I don't say what I'm thinking now I'll just forget, and the pearls of wisdom will be lost forever....

-oOo-

746. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (86)

My in-laws were from Tredegar and regularly referred to a local villain as Ivor-Ball-and-Chain.

Eric M, Newport

-oOo-

www.bbc.co.uk/wales/southeast/sites/familyhistory/pages/nicknames_ralphthomas.shtm

745. Weakest Link putdowns (3)

Who's a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic?

-oOo-

744. Memorable Signs (23)

-oOo-

743. Putdowns (9)

I heard that you were a ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.

-oOo-