564. Memorable signs (5)

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563. Great Expectations (in Buenos Aires)

Woman on mobile phone (43):  It's not the way to behave with me, it's not the way to behave with your brothers and sisters, and it's not the way to behave with your companions.  What are you playing at?

(Gustavo's comment:  At being president?)

Loosely translated from Blogudeces de la Vida Cotidiana, with thanks to Gustavo.

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562. What we mean is what we don't say (40)

We say:  I'm feeling rough.

We mean:  I'm unwell enough to stay away from work thank goodness.

What it says about us:  Too many pints of beer/glasses of wine last night.  What am I like...

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561. Questions & Answers on an Australian Tourism Website (2)

Q:  Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?  (USA)

A:  Depends how much you've been drinking.

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560. The perfect husband

My wife and I walked past a swanky new restaurant last night.

"Did you smell that food?" she asked.  "Incredible!"

Being the nice guy I am, I thought, "what the heck, I'll treat her".

So we walked past it again.

-oOo-

559. When animals have something to say (6)

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558. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Joke Series

A tourist stopped to chat with a Cardi* farmer who was putting up a building.

"What are you building?" he asked.

"Well, if I can let it, it's a rustic cottage" said the farmer, "and if I can't, it's a cow shed."

*Cardi = Cardiganshire

-oOo-

http://www.welshjokes.com/jokes/welshisms

557. What we mean is what we don't say (39)

We say:  I'm not well, I woke up with a really really sore throat this morning.

We mean:  I'm unwell enough to stay away from work thank goodness...

What it says about us: I've probably been snoring again.

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556. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (67)

My great-grandfather was known as Shunko-one-side because he was born with some kind of deformity.  My brother who went to the Boys Grammar School, Aberdare had a teacher whose nickname was Conch because he had been a conscientious objector during World War II.

Anna in Rome, formerly of Aberdare.

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http://www.bbc.co.uk/wales/southeast/sites/familyhistory/pages/nicknames_ralphthomas.shtml

555. Glorious Insults from the Past (11)

"He is a self-made man who worships his creator."  John Bright

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554. Memorable Signs (4)

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553. Don't forget to remember...

Gustavo (38):  Don't forget to tell her tomorrow?

Daughter (11):  Tell her what?

(She's already forgotten...)

Loosely translated from Blogudeces de la Vida Cotidiana, with thanks to Gustavo.

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552. What we mean is what we don't say (38)

We say:  I didn't sleep a WINK last night.

We mean:  Honestly, I didn't close my eyes ONCE.  How dare you not believe me?

What it says about us:  Well, maybe I nodded off now and then for a few seconds...or minutes.... or more... but how else do I convey to you the extent of my suffering?

-oOo-

551. Questions & Answers on an Australian Tourism Website (1)

Q:  Does it ever get windy in Australia?  I have never seen it rain on TV - so how do the plants grow?  (UK)

A:  We import all plants fully grown, and then just sit around watching them die.

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550. Glorious Insults from the Past (10)

"I feel so miserable without you.  It's almost like having you here."

- Stephen Bishop

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549. When animals have something to say... (5)

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548. Washing Instructions

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547. What we mean is what we don't say... (37)

We say:  I'm not well, I've been up all night with sickness and diarrhoea.

We mean:  Actually it was once each before bedtime.

What it says about us:  It was horrible.  I deserve not to have to come to work after all that suffering.

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546. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (66)

My great grandfather was from Cwm and he was nicknamed Ike Pidgeon, which is a coincidence because there is a man called Dillwyn from Cwm who's claiming his father was also nicknamed Ike Pidgeon.  My other great grandfather was known as Pecker and I never actually plucked up the courage to ask him WHY!!!

Tara Williams from Blackwood.

-oOo-

http://www.bbc.co.uk/wales/southeast/sites/familyhistory/pages/nicknames_ralphthomas.shtml

545. Glorious insults from the past (9)

George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill:  I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play.  Bring a friend, if you have one.

Winston Churchill to George Bernard Shaw:  Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one.

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544. Memorable Signs (3)

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543. Communication problem

Work Colleague (47):  I sent him an e-mail to ask him to come to a meeting at 10.30 because of our communication problems and he replied asking if it could be re-scheduled for the morning...

Gustavo (38):  So it's a real communication problem then.

(Gustavo's comment:  He couldn't have misunderstood the time as being 10.30 p.m. because here we all leave at 4.30 of course...)

(Loosely translated from Blogudeces de la Vida Cotidiana, with thanks to Gustavo.)

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542. What we mean is what we don't say... (36)

What we say:  Traffic was TERRIBLE today...

What we mean:  That's why I'm late for work.

What is says about us:  It was, but maybe I should get up earlier...

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541. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (65)

One that always tickled me - Ray-Half-Day - was normally found in the pub half way through the working day.

Leanne, Resolven

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www.bbc.co.uk/wales/southeast/sites/familyhistory/pages/nicknames_ralphthomas.shtm

540. Glorious insults from the past (8)

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends..."   Oscar Wilde

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539. When animals have something to say... (4)

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538. At the Urologist's

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537. What we mean is what we don't say... (35)

We say:  I'll be in touch.  Can I have your e-mail address?

We mean:  ... because I don't want to have aimless discussions about it.

What is says about us:  I describe myself as an action person not a talk person (and I bore easily).

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536. Welsh Idiosyncrasies - Nickname Series (64)

Back in the 1950s there was a retired bank manager who lived in Llan.  He was born in Vyrnwy and was known as Mr Vrynwy Jones.

Kate from Yorkshire

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www.bbc.co.uk/wales/southeast/sites/familyhistory/pages/nicknames_ralphthomas.shtm

535. Glorious Insults from the Past (7)

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

(Mark Twain)

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534. Memorable Signs (2)

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